We’ve visited our local strawberry fields for the last three years. It’s one of our favourite family days out.
Imagine fields of delicious strawberries, raspberries and blackberries just to mention a few.
We always see who can find the juiciest strawberry, Amelie always wins! She’s such a free spirit and loves running up and down searching for her winner.
Last year we visited on Father’s day. It was such a wonderful way to spend the day, I couldn’t wait to come back this year.
Being the dreamer that I am, I found myself constantly dreaming about our future. I couldn’t help but feel our family was missing something, it wasn’t quite complete just yet.
Back in 2014 whilst on our honeymoon moon, I remember turning to Scott and saying that I really don’t want to have another holiday just the two of us!
Don’t get me wrong, my Husband is my best friend and honestly knows me better than I know myself! But I just wanted to begin sharing our life together with our children.
I longed to chase after sandy toes, watch them do the toddler bop at the evening disco and be introduced to their new best friends (Holiday buddies are just the best!).
I wanted more than to just pack for us two, I wanted to go shopping for matching holiday outfits, just like my Mum had done for my sister and I.
It was at that point that I knew I was ready to start our family. I remember Scott looking at me and without saying a word, I just knew he was ready too. As far as honeymoon memories go, this one I’ll keep in my heart forever.
Last year I couldn’t help but feel the same emotions about wanting to become a mother again. To experience pregnancy just one more time. I had a really tough pregnancy with Amelie and suffered from Hyperemesis-Gravidarum for almost nine mothers. So I was hopeful God would answer our prayers and bless me with a healthy, happy pregnancy second time around.
Well our prayers were answered as I only had a little bit of morning sickness with Morgan. This pregnancy was a million miles away from the pregnancy I experienced with Amelie, even after my specialist told me I’d most probably have it again. I felt absolutely amazing, it was the pregnancy I’d longed for.
I often got asked if having Hyperemesis-Gravidarum would put me off having our second child and to be honest the answer was yes.
I would literally lie awake at night worrying about it. I’d worry about how I would cope with being sick 24/7 and trying to look after Amelie. I’d worry about who would have Amelie if I was suddenly taken into hospital. I’d worry if I would be physically and mentally strong enough to go through it all again a second time round.
All of which of course I didn’t have the answers to, which made me even more anxious.
We wanted to be a family of four so much, it ached in my heart that my previous experience with pregnancy might of stopped us from doing so.
I will never forget one evening breaking down to Scott, telling him I just couldn’t see myself coping if it happened again. The memories of how the sickness made me feel, the pain and constant fear about whether or not our baby was getting nourishment she needed was all just too much. That was until Scott said to me that if I was that worried we wouldn’t try again and enjoy our life just three of us.
Hearing him say this stirred something inside of me and I was angry. I was angry at myself for not believing in my body, for doubting my strength and questioning God’s plan.
I didn’t know it at the time but it was exactly what I needed to hear. The thought of not only crushing my life long dream, but my Husband’s too was just too much for me to bare.
I remember just hugging him and saying “I won’t ever let my fears hold us back again” and I meant it! I knew if we didn’t try again I’d regret the decision for the rest of my life.
Whilst walking through the beautiful strawberry fields last weekend, I couldn’t help but stop and really take in everything around me. These two healthy, happy, beautiful babies that I’d always dreamt of having and the most wonderful, supportive Husband I could of ever imagined!
If there is one thing I want my girls to always remember it’s to chase after their dreams no matter what. To be determined,courageous and prepared to face some set backs, but to never stop believing in whatever is aching in their hearts.
I want them to always be thankful and to know that this life is for living and loving one another.
It was so unbelievably surreal being back here this year again as the family of four we’ve always longed for.
I’m so unbelievably grateful to be making such beautiful memories with such genuinely beautiful people.
“We may not have it altogether, but together we have it all”